My Journey Through Miscarriage (part 3) – Guest Post

DAY 10:

(Before reading this post, please read my previous posts: part 1 and part 2 as this will be completely out of context otherwise).

I inserted the Misoprostol at 10:15 a.m. and took two Advils straight away for precautionary measures. When I met with the OB, and she gave me the Misoprostol prescription, she said that I would have heavy cramping and bleeding within a few hours. I remember a friend of mine years ago had a miscarriage and she said the Misoprostol gave her such strong contractions she felt she was going to die. So I looked it up online and sure enough I found out that many women experienced extremely painful contractions to the point of almost fainting. Here is one woman’s blog about her experience with Misoprostol. If you ever have to take Miso, and I hope anyone reading this never has to experience this kind of loss, I highly recommend reading her blog. Although it’s scary, I think it’s worth preparing for the worse and expecting the best.

So I prepared for the worst, inserted the Misoprostol and waited. Waited. And waited some more. Nothing for hours, only very mild almost undetectable cramping, I was so disappointed. I guess I was one of the 15 per cent of women where the med doesn’t work. And then at 5:30pm, seven hours after insertion, a gush of blood came out into my pad. I took a Tylenol 3 right away just in case. I went to the washroom, sat on the toilet and a giant chunk came out. I looked at it. Was that “it”? I looked closely into the toilet filled with bloody water. Yup, it was the fetus. Tiny limbs stuck out of the little body. Why wasn’t I able to see a body in the ultrasound? All we saw was a blob. But here I was, staring down into the toilet bowl and looking at a very clear image of a blood-surrounded fetus. I started to doubt the Obstetrician and ultrasound tech. What if they both made a mistake? What if it was alive before today? Clearly I was still in the denial phase of my grief.

By 6:30 p.m. it was all done. More large clots came out (probably the placenta and other tissue). I was relieved.  And, what’s even better is that it barely hurt. I guess I got lucky and didn’t have the same experience as the blogger. Finally we could move on. Or so I thought…

DAY 21:

We saw the obstetrician again. I was hopeful and knew I passed the fetus and placenta with the help of the Misoprostol. She did the ultrasound on me to make sure all the tissue had passed.

“What is that?” I asked. There was something blurry and grey on the screen. “There is still significant tissue left in your uterus, probably left over placenta.” She said. I felt like someone had punched me in the face, and another wave of disappointment hit me. I started crying. I thought it was over. So much came out, how could this be? I promised I would never get my hopes up again. From now on, I would expect the worse and when good news came, I’d be that much more excited. She suggested another round of back-to-back days using the Misoprostol, and if that didn’t work, then we’d need a D&C after all.

DAY 33:

It’s over. I did the second round of Misoprostol last week, more giant clots came out, and when I went to my next appointment, I expected the worst, and good news came. I was ecstatic.

Since starting this journey, I’ve met and spoken to moms that have gone through this, which has been really helpful. To those that wrote me privately through Maya – thank you! To those who might (and I pray not), go through a miscarriage one day, feel free to contact me through Maya. It’s important to get support from someone who has been through it. My anonymity at this time is important to me because I just can’t handle too many people talking to me about it or knowing what I went through. It’s been hard enough having people ask me when I’m having a second child (as if it’s always in our control). I have learned to appreciate conceiving and child bearing even more than I did before. We truly take conception and pregnancy for granted. It is a miracle and should be appreciated every day by those who can.

If I may leave you with one thought, I’d say, please be sensitive to others’ situations. You never know what someone is going through in his or her private life. They may be going through an illness they don’t want to talk about, financial or marital troubles, or a difficult time conceiving. It’s best to be mindful of others’ issues and remain humble with our good fortunes.

My Journey Through Miscarriage (part 2) – Guest Post

To read part 1, go here: http://wp.me/p248bN-jU

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DAY 8:

I needed to see it with my own eyes. Strangely it wasn’t as traumatizing as I thought it would be. The ultrasound just showed a blob with no heartbeat. It even shrunk to an 8-9 week fetus. I guess that happens over time. I am past the stage of disbelief, and coming to terms with it more and more as each day passes.

I’m supposed to be 12 weeks and 2 days today. We met the OB and she went through our options in detail. I asked a hundred questions about the risks and benefits of each option, but wanted to know most importantly which option was best for avoiding future child bearing problems. We’ve decided to take the Misoprostol in a few days. This drug is supposed to induce contractions. It’s our best choice right now as it’s 85 per cent effective in expelling all contents. We may still need to do a D&C. I want to move on and have closure. I want to have a baby and forget this all happened.

I know I’m not alone. Hundreds of women go through this every day. Miscarriage in early pregnancy is common. Studies show that about 10 to 20 per cent of women who know they are pregnant have a miscarriage some time before 20 weeks of pregnancy (that’s about 1 in 5); 80 per cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks. But the actual rate of miscarriage is even higher since many women have very early miscarriages without ever realizing they were pregnant. One study that followed women’s hormone levels every day to detect very early pregnancy found a total miscarriage rate of 31 per cent. (source: UpToDate).

Although I knew I stand in solidarity with many women, I still felt alone and at fault. When I first heard the news a week ago I blamed myself. What did I do wrong? Did I miss one too many prenatal vitamins? Did I exert myself too much that week?  Did I keep my cell phone too close to my uterus? Did I eat too many cookies? Really, these thoughts go through one’s head! But after some research– I am a facts and numbers kind of girl – I found out you can’t shake off a good pregnancy.

During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes. Most chromosomal abnormalities are the cause of a damaged egg or sperm cell, or are due to a problem at the time that the zygote went through the division process. (Source: American Pregnancy Association)

Now that I’ve had time to let this all sink in, I’m trying to look at the positive side of things. We have so much for which to be thankful. We are grateful to have one child already; I am physically able to conceive; this miscarriage happened at 10 weeks rather than at 5 months or, even worse, full term. We are very lucky and need to see the good in all of this. I believe there is a reason for everything in life. I am unsure why I need to go through this ordeal, but hopefully one day it will all make sense.

(To be continued)