Adventure-seeker, world-traveler, turned mother!
As my second pregnancy comes to an end, I had some time (read: sleepless nights) to reflect back about my current pregnancy and my first one. I realized that there’s a lot of differences actually. Here’s some of the major ones that came to mind for me:
On April 7th, our little girl pup was born. Seven weeks later, we took her home with us. Three weeks later, we had to give her to my in-laws… where she still remains today. What happened you say? I’ll tell you… it’s called fur parent fail! There, I’ve said it. I’ve been ashamed to admit it, but I can’t hide it anymore. People are asking questions, neighbours are giving us weird looks. They know the dog is no longer around… so where could she be? Well… it’s time for the truth to come out.
Yes, it was my idea to get a dog. I thought it would be a perfect addition to our family. John and I always talked about getting a dog and Kyle loved dogs so much, it only made sense. I figured the timing was right. Kyle was a bit “older” and we weren’t yet expecting our second child. I figured it gave us a good year in between kids and Kyle wasn`t as needy anymore. All of this makes sense, right?
When we brought our pup (Corona) home, all was good. At first a least. However, at this point I was one month pregnant and suddenly, I couldn’t stand to be around her. Her smell was bothering me so much, I couldn’t come within 10 feet of her. That made it a little hard to take care of her. Also, she couldn’t stop jumping and biting Kyle. When she was still really small, it wasn’t a big deal, Kyle could handle himself. But once she got bigger, she pushed Kyle over. To say the least, he wasn’t a happy boy. So Corona spent most of her time outside in our backyard. Although being outside was nice, it wasn’t fair to her. What’s more, Kyle was on a new sleep schedule, waking up between 5:30 and 6 AM, around the same time as Corona. Since I was not feeling well (did I mention I was pregnant and super nauseous from Corona’s smell and super tired ALL THE TIME???), my husband would be the one who would wake up early each morning taking care of Kyle and Corona. His main objective became keeping Kyle and Corona separated and happy at the same time. At 5:30 in the morning, this was a frustrating task, and I was no help. To say the least, my husband started despising my “great idea” of getting a dog.
To help us out, my in-laws offered to watch Corona for the summer. They spent most of their time at the cottage, and figured she would love it up there. And they were right, she did love it up there. 
And what was supposed to be a short-term solution, ended up being for the long-term. I was finally able to admit that we really couldn’t take of Corona, with our second child on the way and Corona still being a puppy when the baby arrives. It took me a while to admit this, but I had. For the sake of my husband’s sanity, and for our non-fur-children.
Where the signs there all along? Sure… there were some. When we were seeking out a breeder, a few e-mailed me back saying that I would be hard pressed to find a breeder willing to sell us a pup with a two year-old son. I just figured they were jerks. At the time we researched this, I wasn’t pregnant, but I was by the time we went to pick up Corona from the breeder. My first pregnancy was very tough (gagging, nausea and vomiting, and extreme tiredness). So should I have figured out that things would have been the same this time around? Probably… but who have guessed that a puppy smell would have bothered me? I didn’t!
The good news is that Corona is still in the family. Kyle still gets to see her a lot and grow up with a dog near by. It also made John and I realize that maybe we’re not dog people after all. Instead, we realized we’re baby / toddler / children people instead. At least, that’s our priority at the moment. It also turns out that we’re not the first (or the last) to have made that mistake. Our elderly, and much more mature neighbours, who have a dog, admitted to us that they made the same mistake when their children were still toddlers and they had to give their dog away. Knowing this, and the fact that they still got another dog later on in their life, made us feel human again. And the guilt that I was carrying around with me, somewhat lifted. Did we fail as fur parents? YES! But at least it was in the name of our children, the real ones, the human ones, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
DAY 10:
(Before reading this post, please read my previous posts: part 1 and part 2 as this will be completely out of context otherwise).
I inserted the Misoprostol at 10:15 a.m. and took two Advils straight away for precautionary measures. When I met with the OB, and she gave me the Misoprostol prescription, she said that I would have heavy cramping and bleeding within a few hours. I remember a friend of mine years ago had a miscarriage and she said the Misoprostol gave her such strong contractions she felt she was going to die. So I looked it up online and sure enough I found out that many women experienced extremely painful contractions to the point of almost fainting. Here is one woman’s blog about her experience with Misoprostol. If you ever have to take Miso, and I hope anyone reading this never has to experience this kind of loss, I highly recommend reading her blog. Although it’s scary, I think it’s worth preparing for the worse and expecting the best.
So I prepared for the worst, inserted the Misoprostol and waited. Waited. And waited some more. Nothing for hours, only very mild almost undetectable cramping, I was so disappointed. I guess I was one of the 15 per cent of women where the med doesn’t work. And then at 5:30pm, seven hours after insertion, a gush of blood came out into my pad. I took a Tylenol 3 right away just in case. I went to the washroom, sat on the toilet and a giant chunk came out. I looked at it. Was that “it”? I looked closely into the toilet filled with bloody water. Yup, it was the fetus. Tiny limbs stuck out of the little body. Why wasn’t I able to see a body in the ultrasound? All we saw was a blob. But here I was, staring down into the toilet bowl and looking at a very clear image of a blood-surrounded fetus. I started to doubt the Obstetrician and ultrasound tech. What if they both made a mistake? What if it was alive before today? Clearly I was still in the denial phase of my grief.
By 6:30 p.m. it was all done. More large clots came out (probably the placenta and other tissue). I was relieved. And, what’s even better is that it barely hurt. I guess I got lucky and didn’t have the same experience as the blogger. Finally we could move on. Or so I thought…
DAY 21:
We saw the obstetrician again. I was hopeful and knew I passed the fetus and placenta with the help of the Misoprostol. She did the ultrasound on me to make sure all the tissue had passed.
“What is that?” I asked. There was something blurry and grey on the screen. “There is still significant tissue left in your uterus, probably left over placenta.” She said. I felt like someone had punched me in the face, and another wave of disappointment hit me. I started crying. I thought it was over. So much came out, how could this be? I promised I would never get my hopes up again. From now on, I would expect the worse and when good news came, I’d be that much more excited. She suggested another round of back-to-back days using the Misoprostol, and if that didn’t work, then we’d need a D&C after all.
DAY 33:
It’s over. I did the second round of Misoprostol last week, more giant clots came out, and when I went to my next appointment, I expected the worst, and good news came. I was ecstatic.
Since starting this journey, I’ve met and spoken to moms that have gone through this, which has been really helpful. To those that wrote me privately through Maya – thank you! To those who might (and I pray not), go through a miscarriage one day, feel free to contact me through Maya. It’s important to get support from someone who has been through it. My anonymity at this time is important to me because I just can’t handle too many people talking to me about it or knowing what I went through. It’s been hard enough having people ask me when I’m having a second child (as if it’s always in our control). I have learned to appreciate conceiving and child bearing even more than I did before. We truly take conception and pregnancy for granted. It is a miracle and should be appreciated every day by those who can.
If I may leave you with one thought, I’d say, please be sensitive to others’ situations. You never know what someone is going through in his or her private life. They may be going through an illness they don’t want to talk about, financial or marital troubles, or a difficult time conceiving. It’s best to be mindful of others’ issues and remain humble with our good fortunes.
To read part 1, go here: http://wp.me/p248bN-jU
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DAY 8:
I needed to see it with my own eyes. Strangely it wasn’t as traumatizing as I thought it would be. The ultrasound just showed a blob with no heartbeat. It even shrunk to an 8-9 week fetus. I guess that happens over time. I am past the stage of disbelief, and coming to terms with it more and more as each day passes.
I’m supposed to be 12 weeks and 2 days today. We met the OB and she went through our options in detail. I asked a hundred questions about the risks and benefits of each option, but wanted to know most importantly which option was best for avoiding future child bearing problems. We’ve decided to take the Misoprostol in a few days. This drug is supposed to induce contractions. It’s our best choice right now as it’s 85 per cent effective in expelling all contents. We may still need to do a D&C. I want to move on and have closure. I want to have a baby and forget this all happened.
I know I’m not alone. Hundreds of women go through this every day. Miscarriage in early pregnancy is common. Studies show that about 10 to 20 per cent of women who know they are pregnant have a miscarriage some time before 20 weeks of pregnancy (that’s about 1 in 5); 80 per cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks. But the actual rate of miscarriage is even higher since many women have very early miscarriages without ever realizing they were pregnant. One study that followed women’s hormone levels every day to detect very early pregnancy found a total miscarriage rate of 31 per cent. (source: UpToDate).
Although I knew I stand in solidarity with many women, I still felt alone and at fault. When I first heard the news a week ago I blamed myself. What did I do wrong? Did I miss one too many prenatal vitamins? Did I exert myself too much that week? Did I keep my cell phone too close to my uterus? Did I eat too many cookies? Really, these thoughts go through one’s head! But after some research– I am a facts and numbers kind of girl – I found out you can’t shake off a good pregnancy.
During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes. Most chromosomal abnormalities are the cause of a damaged egg or sperm cell, or are due to a problem at the time that the zygote went through the division process. (Source: American Pregnancy Association)
Now that I’ve had time to let this all sink in, I’m trying to look at the positive side of things. We have so much for which to be thankful. We are grateful to have one child already; I am physically able to conceive; this miscarriage happened at 10 weeks rather than at 5 months or, even worse, full term. We are very lucky and need to see the good in all of this. I believe there is a reason for everything in life. I am unsure why I need to go through this ordeal, but hopefully one day it will all make sense.
(To be continued)
My guest writer is Jenn, a loving wife and mother of two sweet boys. She has written a beautiful post about the ups and downs of trying to conceive. I’m so glad she is sharing her story with us, because I know there’s many people who have gone through this as and can relate.
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You know it’s coming…you just finished walking down the aisle and have yet to enjoy the real honeymoon, when countless inquiring minds ask “so when are you having a baby?!” 
My husband and I had always been upfront about our intentions of having children to our family and friends. Our plan was to purchase our first home, enjoy some time together as a married couple and then take the plunge! Nevertheless, any time my husband or I came close to a baby, or dare I say hold a baby, we’d set ourselves up for scrutiny!
Fast forward a few years later; the house is bought, we feel that we’ve gotten a handle on married life, and decide it’s about that time. Easy, right? We never would have thought it would be another two years before we actually got to hold that sweet baby we always dreamed of in our arms. Continue reading “Getting Pregnant 101 – Guest Post”
There are two very different views when it comes to finding out a baby’s gender*. Some people can’t wait to find out as soon as possible (generally around 18 – 20 weeks), while others prefer to keep it as a “surprise” until they deliver. John and I are in the camp of “can’t wait to find out” and we did as soon as possible. My mom was also with us at the ultrasound, and we immediately called the rest of our family to share the news with them. Later on in the day, we also posted the news that we’re having a BOY on Facebook (of course!).
However, our good friends Andrea and Mike wanted the best of both worlds. They wanted to know their baby’s gender but also wanted the element of surprise.
And so, to make their special day even more amazing, they decided to throw an intimate (immediate family only) baby gender reveal party. Continue reading “Is it a boy or a girl? Only the cupcakes know! (the best baby gender reveal EVER!!)”
I’ve recently came across a cool blog by a fellow Torontonian, called http://thebirthstoriesblog.wordpress.com/
Carolyn has blogged about the birth of her son, and wanted to share birth stories of other women on her blog. I thought this was a great idea, and decided to contribute to her blog with details (sparing anything gross) about Kyle’s birth story.
If you’re a soon-to-be-mom, I would highly recommend that you check out her blog. There’s nothing “scary”, but just inspiring stories. As you will see, no birthing story is the same. If you are a mom, I would encourage you to share your birth story on Carolyn’s blog. Writing down Kyle’s story took me down memory lane and made me realized how nice it was to have that adventure written down (and to help me remember down the road).
Here’s Kyle’s birth story that she posted on her site. Hope you enjoy 🙂 Continue reading “Kyle’s birth story”
Mayahood 